Tuesday, March 19, 2002 :::
Holy crap! It's the end of MARCH almost?! What the *** happened?!
(ahem)
Sorry for the outburst.
So here's what's been going on: the beginning of March, I took over the gargantuan task of editing Inscriptions Magazine. It's very fulfilling and I'm finally finding some sort of rhythm - but it's a lot of work! To check it out, go to http://www.inscriptionsmagazine.com. The publication is targeted toward professional writers, btw. =)
Also - hmmm...I'm plugging away at college at Univ of Colorado for my spring semester. Sem ends near May 7 and no, I'm not taking summer classes at ALL. I'll have plenty to take care of over summer, thank you! (grin)
Otherwise, there's been a lot of activity on the homefront -- mainly different situations rearing their heads and all of that. I have a friend who's very sick and dying of an incurable disease, plus some other issues I really can't go into here. Suffice it to say that with school, job and personal chaos, this month's been VERY challenging, but interesting! And hey, isn't that the prime definition of life itself?
Hmmm -- I'd better get to bed, but I wanted to mention that I made up a memorial page for my late husband, Gary. It's my way of doing a virtual memorial of sorts, I guess. If you care to take a look, the page is at: http://www.scribequill.com/GaryMemorial.html.
If you stop by, please sign the guestbook. Thanks!
All for now. Sleep beckons!
B~
::: posted by B Porter at 12:50 AM
Monday, February 25, 2002 :::
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I took the target="_blank">What Mythological Creature Are you? test by
!
I'm baaack!
::: posted by B Porter at 4:45 PM
Wednesday, January 02, 2002 :::
Happy New Year...last one! For tonight, anyway...so, what's your New Year's resolution??
Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz
::: posted by B Porter at 11:55 PM
Stop me...someone STOP me! OMG, I'm ....Carrot Top! And you are...? (Go ahead...I dare ya!)
::: posted by B Porter at 11:46 PM
Argh - okay. I'm addicted to these damn quizzes - the inane, insane quizzes on the Net. It's like banging my head against a brick wall - but I just keep doing it! ARGH! Apparently, I'm Greg Brady. It's time for me to go barf now, lol!
Which Brady Bunch kid are you most like?
::: posted by B Porter at 11:44 PM
Wow - can't believe I've been away for so many days! Well, the holidays...they just get you caught up in them, I suppose. Yule was very nice...the altar was lovely and we burned a Yule log and exchanged gifts. It was very quaint and a good time was had by all.
Christmas day was spent at my best friend's house - she cooked a lovely roast with all the trimmings and we just relaxed and socialized. New Year's Eve was interesting...we decided to do a past-life regression session (my first ever) and it was fascinating to participate and see what experiences each person had. Kind of amazing, too, because I really didn't think it would work on me..but it did! Seems I allegedly used to live as an Amish girl in Pennsylvania...hmmm. If I'd have to choose a past life, that wouldn't be a choice I'd EVER make! Nothing against Amish, mind you...it's just that I thought I'd come up with something more exotic!
Just can't get over that it's 2002 already. Seemed like only yesterday it was the year 2000 - life is zipping by WAY too fast, and I don't like it one bit. Let's hope 2002 brings a reprieve from sadness for our nation - I hope I never seen a replay of the events of September 11th, 2001.
It's fairly late and I'm rather tired tonight, so I know I'm not offering up much in the way of substantial thoughts...but hey, at least I did post something for the New Year - finally!
More to follow....
::: posted by B Porter at 11:34 PM
Thursday, December 20, 2001 :::
The trip to Scotland was marvelous - we saw so many things, it was incredible. We got to see SIX castles and it was SO awesome to traipse around Edinburgh - both the old and the new sections of the city. We ate lunch at a place called The Witchery - they used to hang witches outside of the place in the 1600s! It's a very well-known place - lots of celebs have eaten there! The atmosphere was VERY pagan - but quite frankly, the food was sparse, expensive, and tasted below average. =( I think people eat there just to SAY they've been there! LOL. They DO have a website at http://www.thewitchery.com if you care to check it out!
Edinburgh castle was probably my second favorite (next to Eilean Donan castle) and the view from the castle is magnificent!
We saw the crown jewels of Scotland, but couldn't take pix in there . Saw the room where James I of England be James the 6th of Scotland> was born - he was the son of Mary Queen of Scots - was born.
Also visited the memorial to soldiers/sailors of the Royal Air Force - they had TONS of books with names of fallen soldiers from many wars - it was somber, indeed. The Great Hall which houses suits of armor, various swords, shields, and other assorted finery, nearly took my breath away. There was also a grand stone fireplace and stained glass windows of blue, red, yellow, white and green which had names of some of Scotland's bravest and best kings/warriors etched in them.
As you enter the section of the castle with the Great Hall, you see the crest of Scotland with the rampant lion and the unicorn on it - both symbols of the country. When I viewed them, along with the weapons, I felt a sense of pride and nationalism sweep through me - all of a sudden I understood WHY the Scottish people preferred autonomy from England. You can still hear sarcastic humor on the part of the Scot's regarding England and Englishmen. It's all in good fun, but you KNOW underneath all that that there is a grain of truth in it!
On the grounds of Edinburgh castle stands St. Margaret's Chapel - a beautiful little chapel that can only fit maybe 10 to 20 people inside, if that! The stained glass windows were exquisitely designed. Inside there's a small altar with an altar cloth and a Bible on top. This was the family's private chapel - their personal place of solace and worship. Although I'm not Christian, you could sense the spiritual energy in the place and a quietness wafted over everyone who entered that sacred space.
Edinburgh - what is NOT to love about it?! I just fell in LOVE with that city! The old section is charming and there are so many quaint
little closes that you can wander through and find neat things - like I discovered a writer's museum when I
walked through one of them! =) The displays were a tribute to mainly Robbie Burns and Robert Louis Stevenson - also
got to travel to Robbie Burn's cottage and to see the churchyard that inspired him to write "Tam o' Shanter" where he talks about
the wild, dancing witches, the leader of the witches is named Cutty Sark - an interesting fact that I didn't know! I'd heard of
Cutty Sark whisky before, but....
Went to Glasgow and that was cool - not as much as Edinburgh, though . Got to see Stirling Castle, William Wallace's monument, Loch Ness and shopped till we dropped in the woolen mills - they were AWESOME! Brought back some Lindisfarne mead, which was tremendously yummy! I want MORE, waaah! The shopping in Scotland is incredible! Not that I'm a shopaholic by ANY means - but the bargains were unbelievable. I came home with a fleece coat for 14 pounds and I'm sure if I'd purchased it here in the U.S., I'd have paid $50 - $60 for the SAME coat!
About William Wallace - the statue looked like Mel Gibson and they had a fence around it - cause people keep chipping off
parts of stone to take with them! Of all the art/architecture I saw there - and the statues - his was the ONLY one that had a barrier
of some sort around it! Wallace was a 6'7" giant of a man and his sword was FIVE FEET, SEVEN INCHES long! Geesh!
I'd have paid to go back in time to see him wield that heavy thing! Needless to say, he was a giant among his countrymen!
Another cool castle was Culzean Castle - the entranceway is amazing - it's decorated with 400 swords and 900 pistols! When you walk through the elaborately decorated rooms resplendant with period furniture and artwork, you feel like you've literally gone back in time hundreds of years. The gardens of the castle were meticulously cared for and you felt like you were walking in the Garden of Eden, so to speak. There was also a herd of red deer nearby, just lounging in the early morning daylight. SO very peaceful!
My favorite castle, hands-down, was Eilean Donan. That's the castle where they filmed the movie, "Highlander." I swear, once
I got in there, I didn't want to leave! As we crossed the bridge over the water making our way toward the castle, I tried to
envision what it must have been like to live in that castle. We spent a long time looking out over the loch from the stone overlook there. The wind was quite brisk that day, and I remember standing there alone and closing my eyes, breathing in the air and drawing in the ancient energies all around me. I felt at home and at peace. It was a moment of profound deja vu!
During the tour, we were fed for what seemed like ALL the time - but alas, the food was often a bit bland and I had my fill of "tatties
and peeps" for one week Also tried haggis several times and had some scotch for the first time in my life! That night I especially remember because we were gathered in the entertainment section of the old and majestic Ben Wyvis hotel in Strathpeffer up in the highlands. A local band provided music - well, it was two guys w/ guitars - not REALLY a band! They were dressed in these god-awful plaid shirts, had a 70s look about them, and they were playing nothing but old American hits - like Roy Orbison, etc.! In between sets, they would tell these lame jokes, but everyone laughed nonetheless.
We had a dear old Scottish couple next to us and they chatted with us for quite a while till we retired to our rooms around midnight.
Also had a tarty English gent near us, too. He heard our accents and asked if we were "yanks." =)
The highlands were SO beautiful - it was like stepping back into centuries long before! The Isle of Skye was my hands-down fave --
it's so utterly green and enchanting up there that you are literally standing in the midst of postcard-level beauty. One thing about the highlands is that they're racing toward the 19th century. We had NO phones at ALL in the hotel, and for the first night, NO hot water as the big, ancient boilers broke down! The curtains and furniture are old and heavy - and the only real modern-day convenience you
had was an old television set that had maybe three channels on it at best. LOL. Oh - there was an electric tea warmer in there,
too. One thing's for sure - you won't find many hotels in the UK w/o a tea maker in the room!
During our trip, each night we went on various excursions - to a Best of Scotland show with dancers/pipers/singers, and to several
fancy dinners/shows - we also visited world-famous Harry Ramsden's in Glasgow - that was delish! We also trekked up to see Robert the Bruce's statue That night we were also treated to recitations of Robbie Burn's poetry, including the aforementioned "Tam O'Shanter" and the "Address to the Haggis."
We also saw the cave where Rob Roy and his clan used to hang out - we took a boat across Loch Lomond and the Trossachs were breathtakingly beautiful! During the boat ride, we were treated to coffee and tea, and then, later, to drams of whisky and what tasted like Irish Creme liquor - the Scottish people are always plying guests with something - either food or drink!
Overall, I took 15 rolls of film - some of which are at: http://briefcase.yahoo.com/scribequill It was definitely a trip of a lifetime - and I'd go back in a heartbeat for sure! The hospitality of the people - and the UNIQUE brand of Scottish humor won me over. It sure
as hell didn't hurt to see men in kilts over there on a regular basis, either! Our tour director wore one nearly every day and I must say that he had GREAT legs! =) I say it takes a REAL man to wear a kilt!!
So that was the trip to Scotland - something I'll NEVER forget. I can't believe we made it over there - some days I cannot believe it REALLY happened! But alas, I have the photos to look at when I'm older and more sedate, and I can smile, knowing that I had the pleasure of taking both my kids and my mother on a trip of a lifetime!
::: posted by B Porter at 11:53 PM
Tuesday, December 18, 2001 :::
Yesterday was a special day - I felt very loved and cared for by a host of friends and family. I think it was the best birthday I've had for years - that I can remember. Jean, who is an Internet friend of mine, sent me the following missive. It brought tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat:
You are a little wiser today, truer to yourself,
and more confident and comfortable
than you were the year before.
You are stronger and deeper on the inside
because of the experiences life has given you.
You are softer around the edges because of the things
you have let go of along the way.
You are clearer about your dreams and your purpose,
and richer because of the laughter, love,
and friendship you have shared . . .
And the gifts you have gathered
just make you all the more beautiful.
My best friend, Sherri, made a bday dinner for me last night - with red velvet cake (a type of cake I've wanted for a long time). Surrounded by a circle of my covenmates and friends, I wanted to encapsulate the experience in time so I could retrieve the feelings over and over again. In the midst of the festivities, my artistic and incredible friend, Cyndy, called on the phone. Her voice is so cheery and heartwarming. At the time I called, I was opening the gift she'd sent me. Lovely colored paper hanging lamp in the shape of a star - a pentacle, actually. Unique and so very "Cyndy-ish." My heart grew that much warmer with gratitude.
There was another moment in time last night - an experience with another, long-time friend - that made time stand still for me and brought forth very intense emotions. Loved. Yes, I'm very well loved by many, and it feels so awfully grand. I can only hope that in some way or another I can make those people feel the same way and let them know how special they are in my life!
Many people long for wealth or riches. I'm already wealthy - the treasure I possess is in the friends and family I love so dearly!
::: posted by B Porter at 3:53 PM
Monday, December 17, 2001 :::
Today I turned 37 - well, actually, not till 10:40 p.m., but it's close enough. Inching evermore toward 40, I wonder how I'll feel when that benchmark arrives! Received a lot of cute e-cards today - so many sweet people out there whom I cherish greatly. Considering the idea of more of life's years slipping away frightens me. How in the hell did I get to be THIS age so quickly?
Yesterday I took the kids to the shelter and adopted a kitty. If I couldn't save Shadow from illness, I might as well save another life from euthanasia. She'll never replace Shadow, but she's very cute and has made herself right at home here. My oldest cat, KiKi, hates her already. But KiKi hates any other animals - except for the birds. I suppose they're not threatening. She just ignores them. Our new cat is once again a black one - they seemed to have a lot of them at the shelter. People abandon them a lot, from what one of the attendants told us. I happen to love black cats - they're so classy and sleek! But I digress (as usual). Our new cat's name is Isis Nefertiti (I gave her a middle name this morning). Obviously very Egyptian. She "talks" a lot - more than Shadow ever did. Our other cat, KiKi, has always been a "talker," too. Sometimes it's cute, other times it's like little children rambling on in order to gain your attention/affection. :)
::: posted by B Porter at 12:52 PM
Saturday, December 15, 2001 :::
This'll be short, because I'm tired and I need to rest. My cat, Shadow, died yesterday. He was very sick - had cancer in his bone marrow - and we knew he was going to go, but that never makes things easy, does it? My daughter was so attached to him - she's just incredibly heartbroken. A mother feels so helpless when one of her children is hurting so much - and you want to erase that hurt and take it all back. When you can't, it's a haunting feeling of powerlessness. I remember that so well when my husband died in May of this year - in fact, I still feel that way many times. After he died, my daughter concentrated a lot of her energy and emotions into Shadow; he was her "baby" of sorts. They were always together - this little girl has suffered so much heartbreak. My son has, too. I don't want to minimize what he has been through, because he has come face-to-face with realities that NO 12-year-old should have to contend with.
Basically, the fairness of life sucks at times. It blows. It bites. It honks big bobo, as a dear friend of mine would say. Sometimes it's like a serrated knife just cuts, slashes, and rips open your soul and leaves it there to bleed in front of everyone. You try to pretend you're not hemorrhaging, but people can see the blood coursing from you. Everyone has advice for you; everyone knows what's best for you and your family. It's often confusing and sometimes annoying. I mean, if they can't get their OWN life straight, who are they to tell you what should be your next move? I usually just listen, nod my head, and then I proceed to do what I want to anyway. It's not that I don't listen, but I try to listen to all of it and then assess what works and what doesn't work for my own family. Sometimes the decisions I make are a combination of what several people have said to me. Sometimes the decisions I make are just my own assessments.
I think sometimes the reason why people stay married despite rocky problems (like I did) is because it's a comfortable niche where we're so entrenched in the familiar flow that we don't want to test the strange waters out in the world anymore. In a marriage, we have that safety cushion. We have that "sameness" and the routine. I used to be petrified of that strangeness - I thrived on the routine and the comfort of someone sleeping next to me every night. I won't lie - I MISS sleeping with a partner. But I'm no longer afraid of the strangeness. I can't say I'm comfortable with it, but I'm finding my own groove. I've realized that I only have myself and my children, and that's okay with me. I'm not the same person I was earlier in the year when my husband died - I have grown an armor of sorts. Do I feel angry? Yes, I'm angry over being thrust into utter chaos by the unexpected death of a spouse. I hate to watch the shit my kids have gone through because of our own personal tragedy. But I can't change the past, I can only move toward the future. A future that is completely unknown to me; a future where I can't really say where I'll be in ten years or what I'll be doing. I just hope like hell that somewhere in that future that happiness is part of the end equation. And I plan to do everything I can to insure that we will all find peace and happiness. Or something close enough.
::: posted by B Porter at 10:02 PM
